The Invisible Weight: Mental Load vs. Decision Fatigue (And Why You Can't Decide What's for Dinner)

It's 5 PM. Someone asks what's for dinner.

Your brain short-circuits.

Not because you don't care. Not because you're lazy. But because that single question is the 35,000th decision you've been asked to make today. And your brain just... can't.

If you've ever stood in front of the fridge, genuinely unable to decide between pasta and chicken, you're not losing it. You're experiencing decision fatigue. And it's not the same thing as mental load, even though they travel together like terrible twins.

Let me break it down.

Mental Load vs. Decision Fatigue: What's the Difference?

Mental load is the invisible spreadsheet running in the background of your brain. It's the fact that you're tracking when the school consent forms are due, whose birthday is coming up, when the dog needs worming tablets, and whether there's enough milk for tomorrow's breakfast. All at once. All the time.

It's the cumulative cognitive burden of being the family's operating system.

Decision fatigue is what happens when that operating system crashes. It's the specific moment your brain taps out after making too many decisions. Big decisions. Small decisions. Micro-decisions that shouldn't even count as decisions.

By 5 PM, you've already decided:

• What everyone should wear (including negotiating the "no, you can't wear your Elsa dress to kindy again")
• What's in the lunchboxes
• Who's picking up who from where
• Whether to respond to that passive-aggressive text from your mother-in-law
• How to handle the work email that came through at 7 AM
• Whether the mystery stain on the couch is worth investigating
• If you can reschedule that dentist appointment without looking flaky

And now someone wants you to decide what's for dinner?

Your brain is done. It's checked out. It's hiding in the pantry with you, eating crackers straight from the box.

The 35,000 Decisions Nobody Warned You About

Research tells us adults make approximately 35,000 decisions every day. Every. Single. Day.

For mums? Double that. Maybe triple it if you've got a toddler who thinks socks are optional and a teen who suddenly has "nothing to wear" despite a wardrobe explosion.

Each decision, no matter how tiny, drains your prefrontal cortex. That's the part of your brain responsible for focus, impulse control, and rational thinking. It's also the part that regulates your stress response.

When you overwork it, your working memory tanks. Your ability to think clearly deteriorates. And your brain starts pumping out cortisol like it's preparing for battle.

Because to your nervous system? It is a battle. A battle between "I need to make 47 more decisions before bed" and "I literally cannot choose between two types of bread right now." 

The Energy Leak Concept (From an OT Who Gets It)

As an Occupational Therapist, I think about this stuff through the lens of energy regulation. Your brain has a daily energy budget. Every decision is a withdrawal from that account.

The problem? Most mums are running an overdraft by 10 AM.

I call this an Energy Leak. It's not just about being tired. It's about where your cognitive energy is actually going... and where it's leaking out without you even noticing.

Think of it like this:

• Mental Load is the bucket you're carrying around all day, full of everyone else's needs, schedules, and emotional weather reports.
• Decision Fatigue is what happens when that bucket gets so heavy you can't carry it anymore. So you put it down. Right in the middle of the kitchen. And stare at it.
• Energy Leak is the hole in the bottom of the bucket that's been dripping the whole time.

That leak is all the tiny, invisible decisions that don't feel like decisions at all. The constant scanning for what needs to be done next. The mental Tetris of coordinating everyone's lives. The emotional labour of managing everyone's feelings while suppressing your own.

By the time you hit the "what's for dinner" question, you're not just tired. You're empty.

Why Judges Approve Parole in the Morning (And Deny It by Afternoon)

There's a famous study about judicial decisions that proves how real this is. Judges, highly trained, experienced professionals, were significantly more likely to grant parole requests early in the day. By late afternoon? Denial after denial.

Not because the cases changed. Because their brains were cooked.

If trained judges can't make fair decisions by 3 PM, what chance do you have when you're deciding between tacos and stir-fry after managing everyone's chaos all day?

None. You have none.

That's decision fatigue. And it's why you end up ordering pizza... again... even though you swore you wouldn't.

The Signs You're Running on Decision Fumes

Cognitive Symptoms:

• Brain fog that won't lift, even after coffee
• Overthinking the smallest choices (like which car park spot to take)
• Analysis paralysis when you have more than two options
• Forgetting things you usually remember easily

Emotional Symptoms:

• Feeling irrationally overwhelmed by simple questions
• Snapping at people for asking you to decide something
• Mental exhaustion that sleep doesn't fix
• A constant sense of being "touched out" by life

Behavioural Patterns:

• Avoiding decisions altogether (ignoring texts, not RSVPing to things)
• Making impulsive choices just to stop thinking (hello, late-night online shopping)
• Defaulting to the same meals, outfits, routines because you can't think of alternatives
• Procrastinating on decisions until they become urgent crises

If you're nodding along to three or more of these? You're not broken. You're just operating with an energy leak that nobody taught you how to patch.

How to Stop Leaking Energy (Without Adding More to Your To-Do List)

The irony of decision fatigue is that fixing it requires... decisions. But not the kind you think.

Automate the Boring Stuff
Stop deciding what's for breakfast every morning. Same three options, rotating weekly. Done. Stop deciding what to wear to school pick-up. Capsule wardrobe of five outfits. Sorted.

The goal isn't perfection. It's removing micro-decisions that drain you without adding value.

Batch Your Decisions
Make all your meal decisions on Sunday. Make all your social commitments on the first of the month. Make all your "what are we doing this weekend" decisions on Friday morning.

When you batch decisions, your brain doesn't have to switch gears constantly. It's the cognitive equivalent of meal prep.

Delegate Without Guilt
If someone else can make the decision, let them. Your partner can choose what's for dinner. Your kids can decide which movie to watch. Your mum can pick the restaurant for her own birthday lunch.

You don't need to be the CEO of everyone's lives.

Prioritise Decision-Worthy Moments
Not every decision deserves your full cognitive power. Save your mental energy for the choices that actually matter. Let the rest be "good enough."

Decision Fatigue Reset: The Ultimate Quick Win

I could give you a colour-coded system and 47 productivity hacks.

But honestly... you don't need more "tips".

You need the Decision Fatigue Reset ... the ultimate quick win to stop the brain-drain, fast. Less thinking. Less spinning. More space in your head.

It's simple, cheeky, and built for real-life mums who don't have time for a 6-week glow-up. Just small shifts that make dinner decisions feel less like a hostage negotiation.

Inside, you'll get:

• A quick Reset you can do in minutes when your brain's fried
• A simple "default decisions" setup so you're not reinventing dinner every night
• Easy ways to cut the micro-decisions that quietly drain you all day
• A reset plan for those days when you're running on fumes

No fluff. No overhaul. Just relief ... and a bit more you back in your day.

Grab it here: https://www.hayleyryan.com/calmyourfarmtoolkit

You're Not Indecisive ... You're Maxed Out.

That moment at 5 PM when you can't decide what's for dinner? It's not a character flaw. It's your nervous system waving a white flag.

The mental load of motherhood isn't going anywhere. But the decision fatigue that comes with it? That's something you can actually shift.

You don't need more willpower. You need fewer decisions ... and a reset that actually sticks.

Ready to stop the 5 PM meltdown for good?

Grab the Decision Fatigue Reset and get your brain space back.

Hayley x